Updates, and new views on life.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry. Life's been a little rough for the past year. I haven't had the time with either the sewing machine, or the computer I would have liked. I've had a little tragdey, followed, I'm sorry to say, by a big tragedy. The little tragedy was that we lost my oldest cat over the winter. He was a lovely old thing, big and welcoming to any sort of stray we ever brought into the house, with, or without fur. I miss him, as much as I've missed some people. But he was seventeen, and I know he was ready to go.

The big tragedy was somewhat harder to deal with. At the end of April, my Mother died. She went in for heart surgery, and didn't pull through. The surgery was risky, but still, I ddn't expect it. I kept thinking that it would be just be okay. That she would be okay. And in the end, as hard as it is for me to say it, she was okay. It was clear to me that my Mom, as funny, creative and active as she was, would never have wanted to live the way the complications from her surgery left her.

But that was not much comfort, honestly, to me. So, I've been avoiding the sewing room. My Mom taught me to sew--well, she taught me the basics, and then shook her head continually when I refused to follow the rules. She loved to sew, and taught me to love to sew. I remember, in the 70's, after a Stretch-and-Sew class, she horrified me by sewing underwear and night gowns for me. MO-om. But it didn't stop her. She once made matching full length skirts--quilted, no less, for my sister, me and her. For Christmas. She made countless Christmas tree orniments and stuffed cats, and crocheted Loch Ness montsers to sell at craft shows to put me through college, as well as curtains, table clothes, even a stuffed Nativity set. When the kids had moved out, she decided she wanted to learn to quilt, and she did, in spite of the arthritis that plagued her. She also made hundreds--I mean hundreds of polar fleech gloves, hats, blankets and pj's for her church's clothes give-aways.

So I was eager, after all the hospital time, and sick time before that, to get into my sewing room again. I thought it would be a way to sort of be closer to Mom, now that I don't have her any more.

I'd like this to be the part where I talk about how that's what I did, and it did help me, but all I can really say is, not yet. It hasn't helped me yet. I don't seem to be able to finish the things I think I want to start, and when I force it, that just makes me make horriable mistakes, and then I think of my Mom, and well, right now, it just feels worse. So I'll just say this: I'm trying. I miss my Mom, and maybe it's just too soon. I'm hoping this won't last, but it's one reason I haven't posted. I want to write about good news. So, be patient with me, okay? I'll keep trying.